A couple of months back, I was speaking with a buddy of mine while we were in the gym. And I knew he was down and had something on his mind because he wasn’t his usual self. We talked about what our workout was going to be for the day, and we got to it. We had just finished up a deadlift and that’s when he said, “Tony, I’ve been fucking up. I said, “what you mean?” He said, “I’ve made a lot of mistakes man. Poor decisions. I said like what? He went on talking about decisions he made in the past you know, relationships, financial situation and how he feels like his past is holding him back.
And he tried to mask it, put on this front, but I could see the weight in his eyes — the frustration, the guilt, the constant replay of what could have been. I know because I’ve been down that road.
So anyway, I placed my weights down and I asked him a simple question:
“What have you learned and how are you moving forward?”
He went quiet for a moment and said, “that’s a good question, I feel like I’ve learned a few things that I wouldn’t repeat but man it’s hard.” The truth is, we all have regrets. Times we wish we’d done things differently. I know I’ve certainly been there and there’s time’s my mind still slips back to what ifs occasionally. It’s called being human and it cool to have moments of regret, wishing we hadn’t screwed up and made better decisions. Do you know how many failed relationships I’ve had over the years? Poor financial decisions? Missed opportunities because I didn’t assert myself? I mean, come on!
The difference is that I own that shit and I move on. I asked myself the same question I asked my buddy, “what have you learned and what have you done to make things right and live in the now?
Regret only has power when we feed it. You can’t change what’s already done. You still have to live life. Why go on punishing yourself for the rest of your life?
That conversation reminded me that letting go isn’t about forgetting the past; I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is to forgive yourself enough to move beyond it.
So, here’s what I would like for you to keep in mind and begin practicing. Keep in mind that this isn’t a quick fix turnaround for your life. It takes time and conscious effort. Ok, so number one,
- Accept What You Can’t Change
Regret keeps us trapped in the illusion that we can somehow rewrite the past. You can’t, no matter how long you dwell on it. But healing begins with acceptance. You can’t undo what happened — and that’s okay. Acceptance isn’t about approval; it’s about acknowledging reality so you can finally release its grip. When you say, “It happened, but it doesn’t define me,” you reclaim your power.
- Take the Lesson with You, Not the Pain
Every regret hides a valuable lesson. Here’s how I see it. Mistakes and challenges are inevitable. That’s life. But without them there is no growth. They shape the person you become. So, you have three options. Continue to dwell on regrets and be miserable. Be in denial about the mistakes you’ve made and continue to repeat those mistakes in an endless loop. Or own up to regret, learn from it and move on to better things. You have to ask yourself: What did this experience teach me about who I am or who I want to become? When you shift from self-blame to self-awareness, regret becomes your teacher instead of your tormentor. Growth happens when we stop punishing ourselves and start learning from ourselves.
- Forgive Yourself Fully
If God can forgive us countless times and we can forgive others, why is it so hard to forgive ourselves? Self-forgiveness is not weakness — it’s freedom. Holding on to guilt is like carrying a heavy load on your back everywhere you go. You can’t run toward your dreams, can’t possibly have a future, when you’re weighed down by yesterday’s mistakes. Say it aloud if you have to: “I did the best I could with what I knew then — and now I know better.” That’s self-compassion in action. Allow yourself to be human and learn to forgive yourself. I really one to drive this one home because it’s important. And lastly…
- Focus on Purpose, Not the Past
The best way to move forward is to redirect your energy. Set new goals, create new habits, and align your actions with your purpose. If you don’t know what your purpose is, put the work in and start seeking it. Working towards something greater than your problems gives life meaning and a reason to get up and keep fighting every day. Now wallowing in self-pity. When your focus shifts toward who you’re becoming, the past begins to lose its hold. Purpose is the antidote to regret — it gives every experience meaning.
So now that you have all that, I want you to get up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and figure out how you’re going to take your life back and move forward. I can’t do that for you. I can help, but I can’t live your life for you. Your friends can’t help you. Your parents can’t help you. It’s up to you. No more self-pity and no more dwelling on regrets. Life is too short and every day above ground is an opportunity to start over.
